Life's Connections
by In A Tizzy
Summary: Jing Mei, living in China since the death of her father, reconnects with John Carter and their old friendship quickly rekindles. Story begins the day after Season 15 "And in the End". Two new Chapters: Travel Plans and Letting Go.
1. Her Story

This story starts the day after the last episode of ER. Jing Mei is now a single mother of two living in Tianjin China. She reaches out to connect with her old friend John Carter. Their friendship quickly rekindles. While mainly focused on Carter and Deb, Carter and Kem are addressed as well.

T rating is due to content in a couple of paragraphs in the last chapter (Tiger, Tiger and there is a warning there too) but all else should be fine for all readers.

**Her Story**

The Jing Mei Chen family lives in a high rise apartment overlooking the park below and the city beyond. The décor indicates a taste for simple, yet quality furnishings. With its beautiful polished dark wood floor, cut stone accents and mill work, the apartment is inviting and welcoming. No pretentiousness here. A doll left on the sofa, and a stuffed tiger on the floor are the telltale signs that a young but successful family lives here.

Jing Mei walked into her apartment, her two young daughters in tow. She went into the kitchen to deposit the ingredients that would soon become dinner. The children were happy to be home from preschool and were noisily getting reacquainted with the toys in their bedroom.

Her day had been busy, but now it was time to wind down. She leaned against the counter and drew a deep breath as she reflected on what her life had become on this, her 39th birthday. Raised in a life of privilege back in Chicago, she was the daughter of rich and successful parents. They sent her to the very best schools, saw that she had all the right opportunities in life, did their best to raise her with the best of Chinese morals, attitudes and ethics. They did all the right things, so how did her life get so far from the traditional ideal?

She continued to ponder. Did she do the right thing? Bringing children into this world knowing she would be raising them alone. She shouldn't have hesitated to tell him for so long. Did she do enough to try and locate him and let him know that she had used his generous donation, not just once, but twice? How many children does he have now? Would their kids ever meet? Ever know about each other? What would he think if he knew? What would his wife think? What would the kids think?

The girls clamored into the kitchen hungry. She quickly refocused herself, telling them dinner would be ready soon, and got to work preparing the evening meal. Through the meal, the girls happily chatted about their day. She listened intently, prodding them on for more detail. They giggled over the day's events and made faces about the lunch they didn't like. They were beautiful. They were amazing. They were the best thing that ever happened to her. Měi Lì, four, reminded her of him every time she smiled. Měi Xiù, who will turn two next month, had his eyes. It wasn't so much the shape, which were almond like her own, it was the way she used them. Her eyes were like the window to her young soul, just like her father's eyes were the window to his soul.

But all these girls knew about their father was that he was very special to her. He was someone who loved her enough to want her to have a family and not be alone. He was someone who gave her a special gift, a way for her to have a family on her own. Someone who left to go be a doctor in a very dangerous place because the people there had no one else willing to be their doctor. She never mentioned he had a wife. It didn't matter.

After dinner she took them shopping, not for a birthday gift for herself, but for a kite for them. The Qing Ming festival was in just a few days and the girls, like most Chinese children, would want to fly a kite. As they shopped, she told them stories about her childhood, about Lǎo Ye and Lǎo Lao. She wanted them to know about her parents. She wanted them feel their ancestral connection.

Once home, it was time for a bath and then bed. Tucking them in, she kissed and hugged them and told them goodnight. At the doorframe, she turned to look over them. How beautiful they were sleeping so peacefully. What would her parents think of her girls? About the way she was raising them? About how she was teaching them to embrace their heritage? The same heritage she'd conveniently snubbed off at times? What would they think about their father who was no where in their lives? Who left his donation on deposit for her to use if ever she felt the need to start a family on her own? Who seemed content to not know whether or not she used that donation? "Don't dwell, don't dwell" she whispered to herself as she pushed her fingers thru her thick, black hair.

But it was her birthday. A day she had come to designate as her day to dwell. 363 days each year she forced herself to stay focused on what was good and right in her life, and not dwell on what was missing, what was wrong. The two exceptions: Christmas and her birthday. She made herself some tea and sat down at the table with an old photo album. This one was from her med school days, her time at County. A small smile lit her face as her eyes wandered onto a photo of the two of them. It was from her first day at County. Everyone met at Doc Magoo's that evening. They were sitting at the counter. Dr. Benton teased John about the treatment he received after she accidently shocked him unconscious. She let out a pop of air chuckling softly as she recalled what prompted the teasing. He made her do her very first rectal without any instruction. She got stuck. Boy, he had to help her then! That was some first day. Smiling, she gently shook her head from side to side as picture after picture, the memories came flooding back.

She thought about how the people at County were more than teachers, more than coworkers; they were family. Families tend to keep tabs on each other. "Hmm, I wonder if…" she got up and walked over to the desk in the other room. She sat down, reaching in the drawer, she pulled out an envelope and paper and began to write.

Dear John,

I hope this letter finds its way to you. Life got complicated sorting things out after my parents passed away. I miss talking to you. I miss our friendship. So much has happened since I've been gone.

I wish I hadn't had those legal issues to take care of here after my father passed away. There was something I really wanted to tell you in person. Though I had started treatment that Fall, I didn't think it would really happen with all the stress of my father's illness. But after burying my father, I realized I was pregnant. I have no words to express how deeply I am thankful for your amazingly wonderful gift that's brought such joy into my life. She was born on August 31st 2005 here in Tianjin. I named her Měi Lì, which means beautiful. And John, she is so beautiful! She also has a little sister who was born on May 7, 2007. I named her Měi Xiù, which is Chinese for graceful beauty. She is beautiful and also from your gracious and precious gift.

I'm raising them on my own. With the inheritance from my parents and my continuing work as a doctor here, we have a comfortable life, the three of us. Sometimes it really is tough though and I wish I still had you to talk to. I wonder where you are, what you're up to, how many kids you and Kem have now. I sincerely hope you found the love, happiness and family you were looking for.

Love,

Deb

She wrote out the envelope and stamped it. Taking out her picture box, she sought out a few photos of each of the girls. She noted on the back their name, how old they were and where the pictures were taken. She took a moment to consider what else she needed to say. There was so much she wanted to tell him, but it could wait. Taking a deep, cleansing breath, she wrote down her contact information and placed the pictures and letter in the envelope and kissed it. The next morning, she'd put it in the mail and hope someone at County would know where in Africa to forward the letter.


	2. His Story

**His Story**

_Forward in time to a week later. County Hospital. ER Admit desk. Typical busy day. Frank is sifting thru the morning's mail, filing each piece in the appropriate mail box or file folder. _

Dr. Carter wearily walked up to the admit desk after a busy night. It was his first shift back as a full time attending. He dropped off his charts and dispo orders and updated the board. "I'm outta here" he called as a general announcement and headed around the desk and toward the door.

Frank stopped him short of his goal: "Not so fast, here's a letter here for you".

"I'm back on tomorrow. I'll get it then, I'm outta here!" Carter retorted, nearly to the door.

"It's from China!"

He stopped in his tracks and turned slowly "From Deb?"

"You know anyone else in China?" Frank quipped sarcastically.

"Thanks" Carter said with an annoyed stare as he snatched the envelope out of Frank's hand. Looking down at it, it was indeed from her. It had been what, four years since they played telephone tag before losing touch? Putting it in his pocket, he thanked Frank once again and headed for the El. The train arrived with a whoosh and a squeal as it quickly slowed to a stop. The doors opened and he stepped inside. He chose his seat carefully, thankful he over extended his shift long enough to miss the morning rush hour. He didn't want to be bothered. He sat down in the far corner next to the window, reached in his pocket and pulled out the letter. He stared at it. How did she even know I'm at County again? Last time we talked, I was leaving for Africa. Kem and I were going to get married and live in the Congo.

When it became too obvious to deny that things were not working between him and Kem, he tried to find his friend. He wanted her counsel. He needed it. But email came back undeliverable. The cell phone number he had for her didn't work. Letters wouldn't forward anymore. He couldn't even find her on Facebook. It was like she had dropped off the face of the planet. Now she had managed to find him, at County no less. Probably the last place she expected him to be, or he expected to be, for that matter. Slowly, apprehensively, he ran his finger under the seal and opened the letter…

He read the letter and he read it again and then a third time, letting her words sink in. In his mind, he could hear her voice speaking to him, soft, low and heartfelt. He tried to identify his own emotions. They were many and they were conflicting. He was happy to have brought her such joy, grieved that the disjointed communication had left him unaware, envious that she had children of her own while he was still without a child of his own to hold in his arms, and yet hopeful that she may be open to the possibility of him playing some role in their lives.

He pulled the pictures out of the envelope. Pensively he studied them. He examined each one at a pace that let him take in the fact that part of himself was in the beautiful little girls he saw before him. They looked so much like their mother. Long, black, silky hair, dark almond eyes, porcelain complexion. The brightness of their smiles and the light that danced in their eyes announced their joyous spirits. Deb was obviously a wonderful and loving mother to these girls.

He trod up the front steps and unlocked the door. Walking into the kitchen, he threw the mail and his keys onto the counter with a quick flick of the wrist. He took the letter from his pocket before removing his suit coat and tossed it over the back of one of the chairs. He poured himself a large glass of orange juice, headed to the living room and plopped down on the sofa. Thumbing the back of the picture where Deb had put her Skype address, he reached for his laptop…


	3. The Conversation

**The Conversation**

"John?" Shocked, surprised and delighted, but there she was on the screen of his laptop as beautiful as he remembered. "Wow, that was fast! I thought my letter would bounce around County for a while before finding its way to someone who'd know where to forward it. And then, God knows how long it'd take to get to Africa!

"mmf, I'm at County again" he offered meekly.

A puzzled look crossed her face.

"Long story." Redirecting the subject of conversation, he continued "hey, your girls are beautiful! Are they there with you now?"

She nodded. "They're asleep. It's after midnight here. We're 14 hours ahead of you."

"Deb" he struggled, not able to articulate what he wanted to say, "it's so good to see you, hear from you..."

Her face was filled with understanding, she smiled sweetly and nodded. "I've missed you too" she said in a soothing, calm voice. "And, I've got time for a long story. So um, you're back at County?"

He took a deep breath. He wasn't sure he wanted to go there, even with her. But at the same time, he was tired, soul numbing tired, of keeping his secrets all bottled up inside. "I was in Darfur" he began. "The Janjaweed surrounded the encampment and made getting food and medical supplies impossible. With dwindling water supplies, we had to start making do just the way the refuges did. The only water around was a pond that everyone used…well…" swallowing hard, he finished "for all their water needs".

In a concerned whisper, she asked "Schistosomiasis?".

He nodded. "and no Praziquantel. I got so weak they decided to risk sneaking past the Janjaweed under the cover of darkness…" shaking his head and taking a deep breath, he continued "I spent a month in the hospital going thru corticosteroid treatment to clear up the infection. It was complicated by chronic kidney failure…".

"In your one functioning kidney" she nervously finished his sentence.

He nodded.

She took a deep breath, very much concerned for her friend. "Are you on dialysis?"

Quietly, apprehensively, he told her "Emergency kidney transplant last month".

She bit her lip and gave him an understanding nod. "How's your recovery going?"

"I feel good…Getting around. Just finished my first shift back on the overnight".

Timidly, she asked "living relative donor?"

Bowing his head, he slowly shook it from side to side. He knew she'd be aware his chance of not making it five years was more than 30%.

"John…I…really wish…I had known".

Head still down, he nodded before looking up into her face on the screen. "it wouldn't have changed anything".

"How are you doing with your immunosuppressive therapy?"

"Tolerating the meds well, regular screenings for the rest of my life…" once again shaking his head "major downer".

"No going back to Africa for you" she softly stated. He nodded. He felt a tightening in his stomach. He knew what her next question would be. "Kem doing okay with permanent residence in Chicago?"

"She's…" struggling, the knot in his stomach became almost unbearable, and his head both nodded and shook from side to side "…not here…" He let out a long, deep exhale.

"Was she with you for your surgery?" Deb asked and again, he responded with a bowed head shaking from side to side.

"During dialysis?" head still bowed, he continued to shake it from side to side.

"When you were hospitalized in Africa?" head still bowed, he continued to shake it from side to side.

"Darfur?" head still bowed, he continued to shake it from side to side.

Cautiously, nervously, but very concerned for her friend, she ventured to the heart of it "How long has she not be with you John?"

He wasn't sure he could verbalize an answer, but he needed to talk. He needed to confide in her. He was tired of fooling the world. It was a heavy burden he was tired of carrying. Taking a deep breath of courage, he forged forth "I did fly back to Paris that Spring and we got married. It was a small legal ceremony, actually in her mother's hospital room. About two weeks later, her mother was released. Kem was going to stay with her mom for about a week to help her settle back in after being in the hospital for so long. I went to the Congo and started up at her clinic. We we're going to run it together. But one thing led to another and reason after reason kept her from coming back to the Congo. I told her she could take whatever time she needed, I'd wait. I'd be there for her. She could come any time she was ready."

He shook his head and exhaled deeply, "Nine months later, I'm still waiting and she tells me she's not coming to Africa, she's staying in Paris permanently." He looked at the face of his friend. "She made it clear, she didn't need or want me there." Deb wore a pained expression, but her eyes relayed compassion. He knew she understood his pain.

"That's when you went to Darfur?" she asked.

He nodded. "I didn't care how dangerous it was. There were people there that needed me, that desperately wanted my help and I could help them. I could focus on the people, on the medicine and not think about what was happening between me and Kem."

"And it almost killed you" she painfully concluded, "still could".

He nodded. "But I've made a difference. There are people in Darfur whose lives are better, who are alive, because I was there". He let out a sigh of sadness and continued quietly "even if I couldn't make a difference in my own life".

"She didn't try to discourage you from going to Darfur?" a very concerned Jing Mei asked.

John heaved another heavy sigh. "She…she reminded me it's the most dangerous place in Africa, and to be careful…but she didn't interfere with my plans. It didn't seem to make much of a difference to her, as long as I was not in Paris".

She tried to lift his spirits. "John, you've made a difference in my life, a huge difference, the very best kind of difference. And you can make a difference my daughters' lives too. I'm glad you're still here".

"So I can meet them?" he asked hopefully.

She smiled and nodded. With a kind and low voice she responded "absolutely." Thru the camera's lens, she looked him right in the eye, tilted her head slightly to the side she asked. "Do you want them to know you're their father?"

He hadn't expected that question, but it definitely lifted his outlook. Even though they were a half a world away, technology made it possible to establish a connection with an old friend whom he had missed dearly. And through her, he could have new connections: children. He longed for children of his own. Not that they were really his, or rather that he could actively be a part of their daily lives, raising them as one half of a parenting team, but they were children in whom he had a biological connection and she was offering to let him establish an emotional one as well.

He smiled, his eyes brightened. His whole countenance had changed. "I'd like that a lot".

She returned his smile "okay… I'll call you on Skype after breakfast".

"I'll be here" he said cheerfully.

"And John, it was really good talking to you".

"You too Deb".

Closing his laptop, he felt hopeful about his future. It'd been a long time since he last felt that way. It felt good.


	4. The Girls

**The Girls**

Setting: The following morning after breakfast, Jing Měi's apartment.

She called the girls into the room, telling them to play quietly while she worked. They often played near her when she worked on reports from home so they were unaware that today was going to be different. She opened her lap type and clicked on Skype, hoping he'd be there. She was met with a warm and friendly "hello!"

"So how are you this yesterday evening?" she playfully asked.

He smiled, "that's right. I'm talking to the future, aren't I?"

She giggled. "You ready?"

He nodded.

She called to the girls "Měi Lì! Měi Xiù!" and motioned for them to come to her. The girls happily crawled onto her lap. They'd never been invited to help Mommy with her work before. She pointed to the screen and lovingly, she explained "Zhè shì nǐmen de fùqīn. Tā shì cóng měi guó lǎi de. Tā bù huì shuō zhōng wén."

Měi Xiù stared intently at the man on the screen. Měi Lì, wide eyed with wonder and excitement, exclaimed "Zhè shì wǒ de bà ba ma?" Jing Mei smiled and nodded.

"Deb?" Carter was clearly unprepared for all the Chinese.

"Um, I just explained to them you're their father, that you don't speak Chinese."

He raised his eye brows and nodded his head as he smacked his lips and he considered his strategy. "How do I tell them I'm very happy to meet them?" he inquired.

"Try: Rèn shi nǐmen hěn gāo xìng" she answered.

Carter tried to repeat after Jing Mei, but it was a lot to master in a few moments time. The girls giggled at his verbal attempts, but seemed to know he meant well and genuinely wanted to reach out to them. Jing Mei ended up being chief translator, translating all sides of this introductory meeting. The girls were so excited to meet this very special person. They asked him all about being a doctor and about being a doctor in a dangerous place. They wanted to know how long he'd known Mommy, and why he left Mommy. She felt the need to explain that last question.

"You see John, here in China, unwed mothers are almost unheard of. I mean, there are young widows who are mothers, divorced women who are mothers, but there really aren't many mothers who've never had a husband, who raise their kids without any father at all. Most kids know their Dad. The girls, they, they look around, they see their friends, they see TV shows, and everyone has a father, but…"

"Them. Everyone has a father but them" this time it was his turn to finish her sentence. "Deb, why do you stay in China, why not come back to Chicago?"

She drew a breath "it's history, heritage, a strong connection to who they are and where they come from. My parents are buried here…my grandparents are buried here. I have relatives here. They're distant, but they _are_ relatives and they _do_ help. In Chicago, we'd be all alone, and far from anything that would give them a sense of family."

He nodded in understanding. These were her girls and she was raising them the best way she could. All they knew, all they had, was their mother. He was a vague story up until this moment, one that lived and worked in Africa. But that could be changed. He looked at the girls still on their mother's lap. "Deb, give them a hug for me and let them know I think they are beautiful, and I hope they'll let me get to know them."

She smiled. "I don't think that'll be a problem. When's your next shift?"

"Tomorrow, 7am" he answered.

"Are you on a laptop right now?"

He nodded, unsure of where she was going.

"Well, how about having breakfast with us? I mean you eat breakfast, we'll eat dinner. We can talk just like we are now, only at the dining table."

He smiled. "It's a date!"

"Hǎo ba. Zài jiàn" she said sweetly.

"English?" Carter asked.

"Just trying to help you along with some Chinese" she playfully teased. "Basically I told you that was fine and I'd see you again."

"So how does goodbye go again?"

"Zài jiàn."

"Zigh cheen" Carter tried to reproduce the sounds.

Jing Mei and the girls let out a small giggle. She smiled amiably at his face on the screen and quietly said "close enough".


	5. ING Words

"**ING" Words**

It was a big envelope. It arrived from Paris on April 15, Tax Day. He knew what was in it. He didn't want to open it. In his mind he replayed the last few years of his life. Though it had begun with such promise and brought him so much happiness, the still birth of his son had left his own life as still and lifeless as his son's.

His wife remained in the despair and loss of that day in 2004. Unable to work past her grief, she refused all his efforts to help her. As a last resort, he tried giving her time and space to mend her spirit on her own, but she distanced herself even further away both physically and emotionally. Once upon a time, they talked about building a life together in the Congo: taking on the AIDS epidemic in Africa, healing the injured and ailing, and raising a family in the middle of it all.

But now, living in the Congo was out of the question. As a kidney transplant recipient, he was on daily meds and had to be monitored with frequent health and cancer screenings for the rest of his life. Life as they planned, was out of the question.

He opened the envelope, still unsure he wanted to see its contents. Staring at it a few moments more gave him time to compose himself. He drew a quick breath before momentarily suspending inhalation. Then, with a quick, sharp motion, as if pulling a Band Aid off an open wound, he pulled the papers from the envelope. There they were: divorce papers. He stared at them. It had come to this, and this, was not something he wanted. This hurt. This brought up all the heartache he tried so hard to suppress for the last five years.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone, thumbed over to his directory and entered the letter "D". He hit the green button and a phone half way around the world rang.

"Wèi" she answered.

"Deb," the greeting came without any disguise of the pain he was feeling at that moment.

He could hear the concern in her voice as she asked "John, what's wrong?"

Voice cracking, he let it spill, "I'm staring at divorce papers". He heaved a heavy sigh. "I don't want this Deb and I don't know what to do. I don't know what's left to try. I don't want to let her go. I need her. She's my life."

"John" she began in a warm, compassionate voice, "I'm so sorry. "

"Help me Deb, what do I do? How do I get her past her grief, get on with her life, and come back to me?"

She took a moment to consider how to counsel him. Marriage, or even anything close to it, was completely outside her realm of experience, but she'd seen enough movies to know one thing. "Do you still love her?" she asked.

"Yes. " He answered as if the response was preprogrammed.

"Are you sure?" she asked, prompting him to think his answer over carefully.

"Deb, I gave her my heart, all I wanted, was to be with her, have a family with her. I wanted to live and work in Africa with her. I wanted to raise a family with her". Obviously distressed, he continued "Everything I… it was all her."

"Do you realize everything you just said was in the past tense?" Jing Mei gently asked.

"What?" he asked incredulously.

Tenderly, she responded, "John, it just seems to me that marriage is an active thing, you know. I mean, it's two people loving, caring, sharing, growing together. Those "ing" words happen in the present." She drew in her breath and slowly exhaled before finishing her thought, "I think if your marriage has any possibility of being saved, somewhere there's got to be some "ing" words that you two have in common."

"Ing words" he pondered out loud. "I'm talking, but she isn't. I'm willing, but she isn't…" his voice trailed off as he silently considered a list "ing" words that weren't happening. Understanding him, agreeing with him, wanting him - all things he hadn't been experiencing from her in a very long time. And then there was no being, as in being together. They'd lived with an ocean between them for a time span that now could be measured in years. No loving, touching, kissing, no making babies, no raising of a family, no growing old together.

"Deb" he concluded, "the only "ing" we do seem to agree on, is that our marriage is dying. I've been treating it like it's in V fib, but it's more like asystole, I've already pushed all the atropine, its…not responding…eppy's not…"

"She's called it" Jing Mei gently contributed to the analogy.

"Time of death…" he paused to look over at the small desk clock "8:15pm."

"I'm sorry John" she offered with sincere compassion.

Meekly, thru tears he thanked her for the shoulder to lean on. He was grateful to have her back in his life, even though she was half a world away.

He could hear a woman speaking Chinese trying to get her attention. "Sorry for calling you at work".

"It's okay John, but I've really got to go. Call me later? We'll talk more."

Pensively, he folded his phone and stuck it back in his pocket. He picked up the pen off the desk and signed the papers. After a silent moment, he removed the gold band on the third finger of his left hand and rather ceremoniously dropped it in the envelope. He sealed the envelope and walked over to a small table near the door. He tossed it on the table, resolved to mail it the next morning.


	6. The Gift

**The Gift**

Over the next two weeks the two friends kept in regular contact thru phone calls, email and Skype. It's now May 1, 2009 and they are engaged in another Laptop Conversation. It's late night in China, morning in Chicago.

"So how is the trauma training going?" Carter inquired.

"It's going well. Everyone's eager to learn, speed up and improve patient care, compete with our western counterparts" she teased.

"Yeah right" he countered back with feigned antagonism.

"Hey, you know Mei Xiu has a birthday next week" Jing Mei reminded him.

"The big two, uh oh!" He was in such a playful mood today. She was glad he was in better spirits.

I was talking to the girls about how in America everyone celebrates their birthday on their own special day. They have a party, and family and friends give them gifts."

Carter was surprised. "Kids in China don't celebrate their birthday? That doesn't sound like much fun for them."

Jing Mei laughed. "Oh we celebrate birthdays, just differently. We have Chinese New Year, it's like Christmas, New Year's and our birthday all rolled into one. Everyone turns a year older and it's one party hard holiday. The kids all get red envelopes with money in them, there's lots of visiting of lots of friends and all kinds of family gatherings, and food everywhere, lots of fireworks. The girls love Chinese New Year, they get really excited about it each year. Well Mei Li does. Mei Xiu is still a bit young, but trust me, she'll be getting just as excited now that she's a little more aware of what's going on."

Carter's mood dampened "so you're not going to celebrate her birthday on the seventh?"

"Actually, the reason I told them about the way birthdays are celebrated in America was so they could also start experiencing some western culture. They have a whole white heritage to embrace. I hadn't gone there with them, but now that you're here…well, digitally anyway, they could start learning about the other half of who they are."

White heritage? Carter thought, what the hell did she mean by white heritage? In Chicago, Deb had always been, well, just Deb. He knew she was Chinese, but he really didn't think of her as much different then himself. He had no idea she had this whole heritage that was so totally different from his own. Their upbringing always seemed so similar: two rich kids, life of privilege, parents that had expectations of them that didn't seem to take into account their own hopes and desires.

But now, it seems like each time they talk, he was learning just how very different they were. These little girls, small and cute as they are, seemed to bring to light a myriad of acute differences in culture, heritage and custom. It really didn't register with him until that moment that these girls are biracial, biethnic, bicultural, binational and now they're learning to be bilingual. He had not fully considered the complexity and responsibility involved in his role for them. Could he really be all that they needed him to be? It didn't matter. He adored those girls and was committed to giving all the effort he could give.

"John…John!...**JOHN**!" Jing Mei tried to rouse him out of his deep train of thought with successively louder calls. Since this was a laptop conversation, her weapons were limited.

He shook his head to clear the thought train and get back to the external world around him. "I'm sorry" he told her.

"It's okay, I'm kinda layin' a lot on you all at once. You okay with this?" she asked, almost not wanting to know.

"Yeah Deb, I want to be here for you and the girls, as much as you'll let me. I'm grateful you're allowing me to be a part of your family… It's not something I'm likely to have in any traditional kind of way" he stopped short and shook his head. It was statement very similar to the one Deb had made five years ago; a statement that prompted him to create a backup plan for her. A plan she put into motion and now here they are. He looked at Deb's face on the screen. He could see the compassion all over her face. He knew she understood his mindset because she'd been there herself.

She spoke softly, "I was thinking the four of us could celebrate together. We could eat a meal together, as similar as we can make a meal on opposite ends of the earth, and sing her Happy Birthday…and I have an idea for a gift we could give her".

He smiled, "what did you have in mind?"

"She hears you call me Deb all the time. I told her it's an American name and you're the only one who calls me that."

He smiled again. "I thought that annoyed you."

She nodded, "it did at first. But as I got everyone else on board with calling me Jing Mei, I realized it made you feel special to keep calling me Deb" with a shrug of her shoulders she continued "and I liked being able to make you feel special." With a little additional thought, and looking straight into his eyes on the computer screen before her, she finished "still do."

She was right. It did make him feel special to be the only one to call her Deb. She just seemed to naturally have a way about her like that. It was possibly why Malucci was always so damn jealous of him, thinking there was something going on between them when it was always that they were just friends; close friends, but just friends.

"Anyway" Jing Mei continued, "she hears you call me Deb, and she wants an American name just like Mommy has. So, I was thinking we could give her an American name."

"Wow!" Carter said in surprise.

She went on to explain, "Being here has changed my attitude about a lot of things. You know it's really common for people here to have a Western name in addition to their Chinese name?" Carter shook his head in response. "mmm, anyone who's successful, or who wants to be, has a Western name. I want her to be well educated and grow up and have a successful career and if she does that here, it'll help her to have a Western name. If she does that in America, it'll still help to have a Western name."

"Didn't you tell me that Chinese names are chosen for qualities or attributes you want ascribed to them as adults?"

Jing Mei nodded "mm hm".

Carter continued, "and Mei Xiu means…"

"Elegant beauty, grace" Jing Mei finished the sentence.

Carter smiled, low and heartfelt, he offered "how about Grace?"

Jing Mei returned the smile "Grace. I like it. Grace it is."


	7. Travel Plans

**Travel Plans**

The girls quickly became used to calling Daddy before bed for some video chat. It became part of their nighttime routine. This particular evening, Deb had the idea of playing a game together. She set up the laptop so it overlooked the game board and the girls, at least when they didn't wander too far from the board. When it was John's turn, Mei Xiù would spin the spinner and Mei Li would move his token the appropriate number of spaces.

It was a lot of fun, all of them "together" and playing the game, but he felt a bit left out. "You know this game would be a lot more fun if the three of you were here instead of there" he stated matter-of-factly.

"Sounds like an invitation" Deb giggled.

"Well, maybe it is. You have some vacation time coming? Want to spend it in Chicago? " John asked enticingly.

"Come to Chicago?" Deb asked.

"Why not? Have you ever brought the girls here? See where you grew up?"

"It's a really long trip" she countered.

"So make it worth your while. Stay for a month. Chicago summer? C'mon, you know you miss it!"

Deb bit her lip as she thought about it. She hadn't been back in over five years, her daughters had never been. There was never a reason to go back before, but there was now. It would be great for the girls to meet their father in person.

"Chicago?" Mei Li asked looking up at her mother with innocent eyes. She was beginning to understand a little English and Jing Mei knew in her young mind, she was trying to piece the conversation together.

"Bà ba zhù zài chéng shì" Deb answered her young daughter.

"Fǎng wèn bà ba ma" Mei Li excitedly asked as she jumped up and clapped her hands. Her little sister, not entirely sure what was going on, joined in the excitement.

"I'm going to take that as a good sign the answer is yes" John contributed to the conversation.

"They're a little ahead of themselves, but let me see what I can work out" Deb answered.

"Okay" he said giving her a little smile that indicated he was already sure they were on their way.

Nothing like a little pressure she thought, and now that the girls were all excited, it would be a challenge to get them to calm down and go bed in a half hour. With a little encouragement from her friend, she was up for the challenge and managed to get them in bed on time. Sleep was a little more difficult to achieve, but with some persistence, the girls were having sweet dreams about a half hour later.

The next morning, the girls ate breakfast as they happily chatted about going to see Daddy and asking when they were going to go to Chicago. This trip was going to have to happen soon. She wouldn't deny them. They had a right to meet their father face to face. She would talk to her chief when she got to the hospital that morning.

Her boss was agreeable to the month of July and even gave her an extra couple of days to make it five even weeks. She spent her lunch time making arrangements. The flight was no problem, but as she began to look at hotels, the choices were wide and varied. They could stay downtown, on the lakefront, the riverfront, near the hospital, or near John. Each had their advantages, amenities and close by attractions.

She reached in her lab coat pocket, pulled out her cell phone and looked at the upper right corner of the screen. It was about 10:30 at night in Chicago, John should still be up. She hit speed dial number 7 and listened for the pickup.

"Hi, did I wake you?" she asked.

"No, just about to go to bed" he answered.

"Got good news! How does July sound?" she excitedly reported.

"Sounds great!"

She filled him in on their itinerary. "We'll be able to stay the whole month, with a couple days bonus. I've made reservations on Asiana Airlines. We fly in through Los Angeles and arrive in Chicago on the last Sunday in June. Should be at the gate at 7pm."

The smile apparent in his voice, "that's wonderful!"

"But I need your opinion. I don't know if I should get a hotel downtown, or on the lakefront, or near the hospital or near your home, what do you think?"

"I'm thinking my home" Carter said with certainty.

"Okay, your home it is! Now I was thinking that since we'll be there a month, something like Embassy Suites would work great, gives us a little more room…"

"See, I was thinking my home, my actual home."

"John" she began her counter argument, but didn't get a chance to make it.

"Deb, I have this house and it's just me here. I've got two extra rooms. You can have one and the girls can have the other one. There's a lot of room here. I've got a backyard the girls can play in and it'd give us more time to be together." Slowing down, he got down to the heart of his reasoning, "I'd really like for you to stay here."

"You wouldn't feel crowded?" Deb inquired.

"No."

"What about awkward? Are you seeing anyone?"

"No. Deb, I'm not, I just, I want time to get to know the girls… and for them to know me and... "

"and?" 

"you… It's great to have you back Deb" he said in a soft heartfelt voice.

She drew a deep breath and gently exhaled. Closing her eyes, she bit her lip. After a moment of pensive reflection, she quietly agreed.


	8. O'Hare Arrival

**O'Hare Arrival **

The fourth of July was just a couple of days away and O'Hare Airport was bustling with passengers rushing to their concourse, rushing to baggage claim. The airport was filled business men and women coming home for the holiday, families embarking on vacations, and one family was about to be united, face to face, for the first time.

He stood in the designated area just outside of baggage claim, searching, craning his neck, looking intently toward the area where arriving passengers emerged. Impatiently he waited. He checked the Arrivals screen. Their plane had indeed landed. He continued his visual sweep of the area. Upon spotting them, he waved enthusiastically to get their attention. Her eyes locked onto his, and she flashed a bright smile back at him. She leaned down close to her two young daughters she was holding, one in each hand and motioned her head in his direction. Excitedly, they picked up their pace toward him.

In their excitement, the girls broke loose of their mother's hold, calling out "Bà ba! Bà ba!" as they made that last six foot dash toward him. He got down on one knee and opened his arms wide. The girls ran right into his arms and embraced him with squeals of delight and covered him in little girl kisses. As Jing Mei looked on, she abandoned any effort to compose her emotions. The sight of her girls completely happy in the arms of their father filled her heart with a joy she could never before have imagined.

He looked up at her. He rose slowly not breaking his gaze, now opening his arms to her. Tears streaming down her face, heart racing, she took the step toward him and he encircled her in his embrace. Holding her tightly, he leaned his head into crook of her neck and shoulder and they gently rocked as the girls hovered, hugging their legs, still squealing out their delight.


	9. Tucked In

**Tucked In**

With two very young daughters in hand, she left her condo in Tianjin, China yesterday morning, and headed to the airport. They got on a flight to Seoul, Korea where they caught another flight to Los Angeles, where they caught still another flight to Chicago, finally arriving about seven this evening. Never mind the layovers, it was 16 ½ hours in the air. To say she was exhausted, didn't even begin to cover it.

At long last they pulled into his driveway. It was not the same home she had been to when she brought John and Kem meals after they lost the baby. This one was smaller and in a little more modest neighborhood. Still, it was much larger than her condo and it was quite charming.

The girls ran all over the place, gleefully checking out the main level living areas. "It was a very long flight. They've been cooped up. They need to run around and burn off that pent up energy. I just don't know where they can burn it off this time of night or where I'll get the energy to let them burn off theirs". She was so tired, every bone, every muscle was screaming to stretch out and then snuggle into a big, comfy bed.

Carter smiled empathetically. He understood long flights. He couldn't imagine what it had been like to keep two little ones under control in that situation, but she had lived through it. "Why don't we get all of you settled and then you can get some rest and the girls and I will do something fun."

Jing Mei weighed the probability of that proposal working. She had worked with the girls, teaching them English so they could communicate freely with their father, but they were still a long way from being functional with the new language. On the plus side, John was accustomed to dealing with people who didn't speak his native tongue and did quite well most of the time. Additionally, she reasoned, he's already formed a bond with them just by interacting thru Skype. If he could accomplish that much from the other side of the earth, surely he'd be just fine in the same house with them. Besides if they got into real trouble, he could always wake her up. "Okay" she agreed.

He smiled. "Let me show you upstairs!" He picked up their bags and headed up. The girls took the nonverbal signal and followed right behind him. Jing Mei smiled watching her little girls follow him like baby ducks behind their mother. "Right this way" he said excitedly as he opened the door to the room the girls would share.

Upon taking in the room fit for two precious little princesses, the girls jumped up and down and squealed excitedly. Quite literally, the room was decked out for princesses. It was done in deep jewel tones. The twin beds were elevated and had steps that led up to them so the girls could easily climb into bed. The corner was set off by sheer fabric panels that enclosed a pile of colorful pillows atop an Arabian looking rug. Along one wall was a set of shelves that housed books, dolls and games. On the other wall were cutouts of Jasmine and Aladdin and the big blue genie.

"You did all this" Jing Mei asked in astonishment.

He nodded his head back and forth in that cute little evasive way of his. "Actually, I hired a designer to make this room special for two little princesses who are very special to me, and she took it from there." Watching her face, he knew he had a bit more explaining to do. "I wanted to make space for the girls, you know. So they would know that I want to be a part of their lives, that they're always welcome here." He grabbed her hands and looked directly into her eyes. "Look, I know you don't want to think about another trip back here after just making such a long flight, but I hope you do. You and the girls have an open invitation to come and stay here any time."

She nodded her head. She understood. He's lonely, she told herself. He wants company, needs it. He's going through a lot and he really shouldn't have to go through it alone. "Not out of the realm of possibilities. We'll see." She smiled at him sweetly.

Encouraged, he helped the girls with their bags, putting clothes in dresser drawers, hanging the dresses in the closet. In the process, they had a language exchange. The girls identifying clothes by their Chinese names as John would repeat and then he'd say what they were called in English and the girls would repeat. They were laughing and having a great time. In her heart, Jing Mei rejoiced. This is what her girls needed. They were reveling in his sole attention to them.

Not realizing how much time had passed while she stood at the door pondering the scene, she was startled to hear "let's get mommy settled so she can get some sleep!" He smiled as he squeezed past her in the doorframe.

The next room was also professionally designed, this time, to appeal to a woman, and not just any woman, but to her specifically. He remembered her favorite color was red, she preferred dark wood, she liked simple but elegant furniture and preferred uncomplicated arrangements rather than lots of things cluttered about. No knick knacky stuff. Everything had to make sense, have a purpose. "It's beautiful, it's perfect" the whisper of her voice reflecting her acknowledgement that he considered her special as well, and that was fine with her.

"You want some help unpacking?" he asked in a tone that matched hers.

She shook her head. "It'll wait till morning". She knelt down and told her daughters she was tired and going to bed, but Daddy would watch them and if they needed to, they could come wake her up. She hugged and kissed them goodnight. "Wǎn ān" she told them. "Wǎn ān" they wished her back. Carter reached out his hand to help her up. He held on as he tenderly said goodnight and kissed her on the forehead.

Turning, he took the girls by the hand and led them down the hall to the stairs saying "Have you ever had pop corn?" She smiled. Her girls were in for a treat. It was all going to be fine. She softly closed the door. Opening her suitcase, she found her sleepshirt, changed into it, pulled the covers back and snuggled into bed. She closed her eyes and she was out.


	10. Heart Matters

**Heart Matters**

Driving home, Jing Mei reviewed the day's activities. John had cooked a big American breakfast that morning. They took the girls to the Aquarium where the huge sea turtle was the big hit. They went to the County Hospital picnic where the girls experienced grilled hot dogs and played with the children of some of County's finest. She caught up with some familiar faces, and John introduced her to several new ones.

He was so cute at the picnic. He made sure everyone knew to call her Jing Mei while he took great delight in calling her Deb. Jerry was so incensed about it. And Morris, god he was so funny, telling Jerry that "Deb" was Carter Code for "Honey".

The fireworks were spectacular, but more than the pyrotechnical show, the best part was just being together, the four of them. The girls with the sparklers, Mei Xiu playing with the kitten that strayed up, teaching John to sing Two Little Tigers in Chinese while they waited for the light show to start, it was all wonderful. The girls sitting on their laps oohing and ahing as brilliant colors exploded overhead was just the perfect ending to the perfect day.

They pulled into the drive, got the sleeping girls out of the backseat and carried them upstairs to bed. As she customarily did each night, she paused at the doorframe to watch her children for a moment. John came up behind her, putting his hands on her shoulders, he whispered in her ear "they are so precious. Thank you so much for letting me in." He lightly kissed her on the cheek.

How perfect it would have been had he encircled her in his arms, she thought. Whoops. Don't go there. This is more than you ever thought you could have. Appreciate all the wonderful that's in your life, don't push it, she told herself silently.

Dropping his hand off her shoulder, he reached for her hand and quietly led her downstairs into the kitchen. "Tea" he asked. She nodded. He got out the tea from the cabinet and made a half turn to face her "So you going to tell me why" he asked.

Standing at the sink filling the tea pot, she looked over her shoulder "Why what?"

"You started your family when you did" he replied.

Jing Mei turned off the water, walked over to the stove and put the tea kettle on the burner. Now facing him, she cocked her head to the side. "You know why I did".

He put his hand on her arm and peered into her eyes. "Why did you decide to get pregnant when your father was so sick?"

"Oh" finally understanding his point "well, first of all, I didn't expect to get pregnant so fast. You only have a 15-20% chance of conception for each IUI procedure. With all the stress of balancing my father's care and my shifts at the hospital, I didn't actually expect to get pregnant."

"That's what I don't understand Deb. Why do it?" Carter persisted.

Jing Mei moistened her lips with her tongue and took a deep breath before slowly exhaling. Meekly, she began "it was something I needed to do. I'd already lost Michael, my mom. I was losing my father. And you..." She shook her head and pushed her fingers through her hair. "Everyone that mattered, everyone that I cared about..."

To offer her a measure of comfort as she confided in him, he gently rubbed her shoulder and upper arm.

She looked up into his eyes. She could see his compassion for the situation she was in. "I was being swallowed up by the loss of everyone I loved. I needed some life in my life. Something permanent. Family. Even if I couldn't have it right at that moment, I needed to try. Fertile me, I got pregnant right away." A slight smile registered on Carter's face. "I was determined to make the child the center of my world, be the best mom I could."

Now with a more pronounced smile, Carter continued to lightly stroke her arm "you're a great mom".

She smiled back. "I try…and life with Mei Li was great. I found I truly enjoy being a mom, and she was such a good baby. Eventually, I wanted to have another one. So, I had your remaining donation sent to the hospital where I work. They did the IUI for me. Didn't take long."

"Fertile you" he sweetly teased.

"Tea's ready" Jing Mei whispered. Carter reached into the cabinet and brought out two cups for the tea. She poured the spiced chai as he got the milk and sugar.

"You ever think about getting married someday" he asked.

She shook her head "I stay focused on my girls."

"Don't you get lonely" he pressed for more detail.

"I've got my girls" she persisted.

"You know what I mean. Do you ever miss having company at night?" he asked more candidly.

Almost inaudibly, she answered "don't open that". God, he was making it so hard to stay focused on what was good and right in her life. This was not a day designated for dwelling on what was missing and she wasn't going there. Time to change the subject.

Composing herself, she stated "so Monday, I'm at Northwestern, Friday I'm at Rush and next week Wednesday, County."

"Touring the ERs, learning the latest trauma evals and techniques, and I'll be watching the girls. I've made sure I'm not on shift. But tomorrow, I am. So, I'd better get to bed myself." He stood up, put his hand on her shoulder, leaned over and kissed her on the forehead, whispering goodnight. Before he headed out of the kitchen, he let her in on a secret, "You don't have to be lonely Deb, I'm here."

The corners of her mouth turned up, she grabbed his hand as it slid down her arm and holding it momentarily, she softly whispered goodnight. Okay, maybe she'd let herself hope, just a little.


	11. Letting Go

**Letting Go**

The girls were asleep. She used the time to get some laundry done. With this mission accomplished, she went downstairs to find John. He was sitting on the sofa reading a medical journal as soothing sounds emanated softly from a music channel on cable TV. She quietly sat down next to him and pulled her legs up so her bare feet rested on the sofa cushion. She wrapped her arms around her knees. Noticing her presence, he looked up. Now that she had his attention, she asked "Are you okay?"

"What?" he asked, surprised by the question.

"You seemed off all day today, distracted. Are we too much? Do you need us to go to a hotel?" Deb concernedly asked.

"No. No, it's not you." John replied.

Deb bit her lip. "What's wrong?" she asked, apprehensive of her friend's mood.

He spoke with great difficulty. He wanted to talk with her about it, but getting the words out, were another matter. "I got a letter today…from Kem."

"How is she?" Deb asked with a fair amount of trepidation.

"She's um… she's pregnant." He smacked his lips together, "and now our divorce is final… so she's getting married…to this guy…Michel." He hung his head low.

"Who's that?"

He drew a deep breath and exhaled loudly. "She told me they were old friends, but I knew they seemed like more than that. She was seeing him when I went back to Paris. Even though we got married" he shook his head, "she never really stopped. I think he's the real reason she never came back to Africa." The hurt he felt was clearly evident in his voice.

"And now he'll be having the family with her that you wanted." Deb tenderly stated.

He nodded his head slowly, "Pretty much."

She made a face as she carefully considered what to say and do next. Releasing her arms from around her knees she scooted up close to him, putting her arm around the back of his neck and resting her hand on his shoulder. She leaned her face close to his ear. "I know it hurts like hell" she whispered. "You love her and wanted to make her happy by giving her those things."

His nod barely registered, but the pain was evident in his eyes as he winced.

"And you wanted her to make you happy by giving you those same things in return" Deb continued in a soft, low voice. Again he nodded, his face expressing his anguish. "The thing about love is that you should want to make her happy however you can…and John… you did make her happy."

He responded with great sorrow, "I made her miserable. Every time she looked at me, it reminded her of Joshua. Every time she looked at me, she relived that loss."

"But you also freed her from that. You let her go and now she's able to love and be a wife and a mother… That's a gift you've given her. That letter wasn't meant to hurt you John. That letter is a thank you."

He turned and looked at his friend, his comforter, taking a moment to process her words. "I hadn't thought about it like that." Exhaling, he leaned his head back, resting it on the top edge of the sofa, and stared up at the ceiling. "Do you think it's still possible?" he asked in a slight change of subject.

"Do I think what's still possible?"

"I'm 39…and…" he tried to express his fear, but the words wouldn't surface out his mouth.

Despite the unspoken nature of his concern, Deb knew what he was getting at. She'd been there herself. "Yeah, you've got to focus on the good things and not let that drive you crazy." She tried her best to be helpful.

He sat up and faced her, "That's what you do."

She nodded. "Getting pretty good at it now, it only took years."

"Okay Voice of Experience, how do I do this?"

She smiled sweetly. "First of all, no need to be so formal, you can call me Deb" she teased. A small smile registered on his face and he gave her a little bump with his shoulder. Turning serious again, she continued "and know that a lot of what you want, you already have… right here in this house."

She took his hand and played with it as she spoke. "Look, I know it's not the same thing, but you made it possible for me to be a mother and that has made me very happy."

"Deb" he sighed, signaling his agreement that it wasn't the same thing.

"Let me finish… It's not the traditional way of having a family, but in some ways its similar and you should try and find fulfillment in those things. Yeah, it wasn't a decision we made together, but we each made the same decision. I mean, at one point you decided to donate your sperm to me. At another point, I decided to use it… Those girls upstairs are here because _**we**_ made that decision. Even though we're not together in a way that most people would understand, those girls are as much yours as they are mine. They're happy to have you as a father and will be thrilled to let you in on as much of their lives as you want to be involved in… and I will do my best to make that happen, for them, and for you… It's why we're here now."

He looked at her as he pondered her words. He did enjoy the girls and he loved having them in Chicago. He brought her hand up to his mouth and kissed it lightly. She gave his a shy smile. He reminded her, "But we do live in different countries, and they are half a world apart."

"Skype, it's the next best thing to being there… and while you may think Chicago and Tianjin are a half a world apart, I happen to know they're just 3 connecting flights apart."

"But it's not the same thing as actually being together" he insisted.

"Focus on what's right, John. Put the rest of it out of your mind, don't think about it."

He nodded his head. "No guarantees."

She agreed. "I still struggle with it sometimes myself. It takes time and discipline. It can be a real challenge at times." Hesitantly, she went somewhere quite personal, a dark place that exposed her lonely world. "Two days a year, I let the wrong things get to me. I spend a night crying into my pillow and the next day, I pick up the pieces and get on with my life… such as it is."

Somehow, he found it comforting to know that she was already walking the same road he was on. Just like when they were med students together, she was there to share the tips and tricks she had already learned. Just as when he was med student, he appreciated the information she was willing to share with him. He knew it wasn't something she would do for just anybody.

A small smile arose on his lips. "I missed you. I missed this." He leaned his head on her shoulder. "Did you see this?" he asked as he held up the page he was reading. "An environment of pure oxygen at three-and-a-half times normal air pressure adds significantly to the effectiveness of a natural compound already shown to kill cancerous cells."

"Wow, no, I didn't" she replied tilting the page for a better look.

Head still resting on her shoulder, he read the article's highlights to her. The conversation turned to a medical nature as the friends moved forward with their unconventional, non-traditional lives.


	12. Time's Up

**Time's Up**

The month went by entirely too quickly. The ER tours, the reports she had to do, the arrangements she had to make, all bit into the precious time she had in Chicago. But the time the four of them got to spend together was worth the cost. The time the girls got to spend with their father, getting to know him better, was worth the cost. The time she and John got to spend together, catching up, confiding, teasing, even a bit a flirting, it was all worth the cost.

Stay, he had asked her. Stay, she'd love too. Stay, not possible at this moment. She had to get back to the hospital. There were so many medical students as well practicing doctors to train in these new techniques, new ways to assess and evaluate patients. American acronyms, so helpful here, had to be rethought into something for Chinese speakers to use as memory hooks. The workload ahead was heavy. It would keep her mind occupied in the couple of hours between her children's bedtime and her own.

There before her were the ropes that defined the queue going into the security check area. At her feet, two very sad little girls crying and carrying on. They did not want to leave. Her attempts to cheer them up by reminding them of favorite toys and friends that waited for them back home met with failure. She looked into John's eyes, such sadness. Her heart hung heavy in her chest. She alone had to be strong for everyone.

"I've been thinking" she began "there's nothing like Thanksgiving in China, maybe we'll comeback for Thanksgiving." The girls looked up. She had their attention. John's face brightened, just a bit. Peering into those windows of his, she suggested "may be you could come see us for Chinese New Year". He smiled and nodded. "And you know there's still digital dining"; again he nodded this time adding a small, half hearted laugh.

She reached out for his hands. Grasping them firmly and pulling him closer, she made her proposal "My Visa is up next June. I was going to re-up at another hospital and do the same kind of program. But maybe there's something I can work out, something that I can do to improve the healthcare in China from here. Will you help me?"

He pressed his forehead against hers and whispered "just let me know what you need me to do".

In a whisper that matched his, she agreed and kissed him long and hard on the forehead.

They embraced tightly for a few moments before reaching down to the girls and picking them up. They shared a long family hug. Putting the girls down, John knelt to be at eye level with them. He kissed each of the girls telling them he would miss them so much and to not get any bigger until he got to see them again.

"Bà ba" Mei Li spoke with authority. "I tell you something important!" She put her little arms around his neck and drew him close to her face, so she could tell him "I love you". Her younger sister echoed the sentiment "Gracie too" and reached out her own little arms to cling on to her father. Jing Mei watched as this grown man melted in the arms of her little daughters.

The most difficult thing she ever did in her entire life, far and above any and all adversity or hardship she ever experienced in her life, was step on that plane.


	13. Long Distance

**Long Distance**

Carter entered the lounge and eyed the computer located on the table near the wall. It was a community PC available for the staff to use, business or personal. Thankfully, Jerry had set it up with a camera and loaded the Skype software so he could video chat with Deb and the girls during breaks at work. It made it easier to catch them during their waking hours when he had the night shift.

Gates and Morris were about to come on shift. They were standing at the coffee station eating bagels from the spread provided by the pharmaceutical rep and discussing the Cubbies game from the night before. "Some game last night, huh Dr. Carter" Morris asked.

"I guess" he said. How the hell was he supposed to know? He'd been on since 7pm the night before. He poured a cup of coffee, loaded up his bagel with strawberry cream cheese and headed for the PC. Knowing full well what he was about to do, Gates shouted from across the room "hey boss, you calling the wife?" and Morris chimed in with "say hello to the little woman for me!"

Carter waved off their comments and sat down. He'd grown accustomed to the light hearted teasing. Nobody actually understood the relationship he had with Deb and he certainly wasn't going to explain it. Not that he could if he wanted to. The truth was, he didn't really understand it himself. They were always friends, close friends, friends that shared very intimate secrets, friends that kissed and hugged, but who were never romantically involved in any widely understood definition of the term.

He dialed. Smiling, he greeted her "Hello Princess, how was school today?"

"Hi Bà ba, Xià Wen puked up her lunch today!" Měi Lì was very excited to report.

"She did?" Carter asked with exaggerated wonder.

The adorable, now five year old Měi Lì, nodded and smiled her cute little girl smile. "They made her go home."

"So what super cool thing did you learn today?"

"Lao shi said I did a beautiful job writing my numbers today, all the way up to wu!"

They chatted happily for ten minutes before Deb got to the computer with a freshly bathed and ready for bed Měi Xiu. She told her older daughter "Time for your bath Sweetie. Get started while I talk to Bà ba for a minute. I'll be in to help you with your hair."

Compliantly, she said "Hǎo ba zài jiàn" and hopped off the chair bound for the bath.

"Hey John" she greeted him warmly, Gracie chiming in "Hi Bà ba".

"And how are my beautiful girls today?" Carter asked.

Gracie piped up emphatically "I good! I no want sleep. No bed!" Carter and Deb shared a giggle over the cuteness of their daughter.

"You still on shift?"

"Just need to turn over to Dr. Brenner, when he gets here."

"I've got some exciting news" Deb offered. "Northwestern is interested in my proposal. They've asked for a formal presentation. I'm going to try and schedule it the week before Thanksgiving, give us a couple extra days in Chicago."

"That is good news!" He was looking forward to them being together again and the extra days were a welcome bonus.

"I haven't heard from County yet. Can you check with Dr. Anspaugh for me?"

Carter was about to agree, but Sam, who was getting a cup of coffee, volunteered "I just saw Dr. Anspaugh at the admit desk. I'll get him for you" and she out of the room before Deb could tell her thanks.

Dr. Anspaugh walked into the lounge, and stood next to Carter. "Good morning Dr. Chen."

"Good morning" she replied back.

He adjusted the camera off Carter onto himself "Listen, we received your proposal and I've got some questions. Why are you doing this?"

Jing Mei began "I lost my parents because of injuries they received in a car accident. If it had happened in Chicago, they would have been rushed to the ER, received the treatment they needed. It would have been delivered in a timely manner and they both would have recovered. They'd still be here living productive lives."

"But it happened in China. This is a country with a huge middle class coming of age. And with that coming of age, come problems. A big one is providing adequate health care to a nation that is, for the first time, on the roads in motor vehicles. People tend to think of China as a mostly agricultural nation, but there are many large cities here. Cities that look like Chicago and have the same issues Chicago does. But we don't have the health care that's available in Chicago."

"And if we do this" Anspaugh inquired "what's in it for us?"

"We see this as an investment in China's health care, in China's future. The med students are prepared to spend a semester abroad in Chicago, as are practicing doctors. They would be funding the tuition for the schooling. Additionally, because they'd be coming back to China, we actually don't want them included in the match program. Because they are not in the match program, the hospital would be reimbursed for the training provided."

"Very good" Anspaugh said succinctly. "I'll have my secretary get with you to schedule a formal presentation to the medical school board, hospital board, myself and the Chief of Emergency Medicine."

"Thank you Dr. Anspaugh."

"I look forward to it" and he curtly left the room.

Dr. Brenner, who had entered the room just behind Anspaugh, was standing next to Carter, by the coffee machine. "Helluva woman you got there Dr. Carter. I'll meet you at the big board for turnover".

Carter once again walked over to the PC, "Deb, I'm proud of you."


	14. Family Recipe

**Family Recipe**

"Thanksgiving without mashed potatoes?" It seemed like sacrilege to Carter. Didn't everyone have mashed potatoes on their Thanksgiving table?

"Do you like mashed potatoes, do you ever eat them?" Deb asked knowing he didn't.

"No" he had to admit.

"Well then, rice it is" she concluded. She loved the seasoned wild rice they always had with Thanksgiving Dinner.

"Says the girl who eats rice gruel for breakfast!" Carter teased.

From the mouth of the man who couldn't wait to get his daughters started on Frosted Flakes!" she declared.

"So I agree with Tony the Tiger, they're grrrrrrrrrreat!"

She shot him an amused little smirk.

"They're a more fun way to start day than rice gruel!" Carter's face registering his opinion of Congee.

"Awkgh" Deb made a face of feigned offense as she playfully swatted his arm. Carter gave her an amused little hug.

"Oh and I've got to pick up some plum wine" she reminded herself.

"Plum?"…"Wine." "The pilgrims drank plum wine?" Carter waved his arms as if to make sense of it.

"Yes, every one of them named Chen!" she quipped. "We've always had plum wine with Thanksgiving Dinner, as long as I can remember."

"Okay, we have our menu, should be interesting what my parents think." Carter declared.

Deb made a small noise of amusement as she put the grocery list up on the refrigerator with a magnet, "your parents, the Bentons, vegetarians, carnivores, Americans, Chinese, Yellow, Black and White, the whole evening should be quite interesting."

"It's all in the spirit of the holiday, right? Carter opened his arms and shrugged for emphasis.

Yes, it was Deb thought. She and John had spent years building their friendship on a foundation of open-mindedness, humor and respect. It allowed them to harmoniously blend their two cultures together for the best benefit of their daughters. It was fitting that Thanksgiving Dinner would reflect that.

"It's still early, you want to watch a movie?" Carter asked as they walked into the den.

She made a face as she shook her head. They'd already seen all the movies she'd allow herself to watch.

"You sure? Casablanca? It's a classic." John was now on a search mission through the stash of DVDs.

She rejected the suggestion.

"The Wedding Planner? It's a romantic comedy." He wiggled its case enticingly.

Deb shook her head, signally a no go.

"You do know these are chick flicks and as a woman, you're supposed to _want_ to watch them" Carter informed her.

Almost inaudibly, she said "not this chick".

"Why don't you watch chick flicks Deb? I don't get it."

She really did not want to go there. Her silence prompted him to put his hand on her arm and gently stroke it.

"Deb?" he questioned with honest concern.

She took a breath of courage. "They um, involve a lot of the things I try very hard not to think about".

"Because you think you'll never have them?" he gently asked.

Nodding, she explained "I need to stay focused on the good things, the things in my life that are right." Unabashedly showing the angst on her face, she looked him in the eye. "It wouldn't do my girls any good to see their mother an emotional wreck over something that'll never happen. I have to keep it together."

He took her hands in his and leaned in so their noses were just an inch or so apart. "Except that now" he said, "you do have those things". He gazed lovingly at her face. His eyes, like windows into his soul, spoke volumes to her. He had demonstrated a faithfulness and devotion not just to her girls, but to her as well.

What was coming over her? What was she feeling? Her heart was racing, her stomach was turning somersaults. She felt a part of herself that she thought had died a long time ago, come alive. She swallowed hard, her breath was slow and deep, but she did not break his gaze.

He tilted his head slightly to the side and waited a moment, as if to give her an out if she wanted it. She didn't. She remained still, eyes locked on his. His eyes closed. She did likewise. She felt the softness of his lips tenderly brush hers. Sighted once more, he was there before her, with eyes that bespoke it was as amazing for him as it was for her.

"Casablanca?" he asked in a low, sweet, irresistible voice.

With no departure from his eyes, she told him "okay".


	15. The Decision

**The Decision**

"All in favor" Dr. Anspaugh called for the vote. Numerous hands were raised.

"Objections?" He surveyed the room but found none."Proposal passes. And I believe that completes our agenda" he looked over at the secretary who nodded "alright then, dismissed."

Dr. Banfield and Dr. Anspaugh remained in the boardroom after the other members had filed out. "I'll have Legal put together the paperwork for Dr. Chen. She'll need the lead time to get this program up and running for the Fall 2010 semester. Do you want to send the offer letter separately?"

"I'll send a formal offer letter, but as soon as I tell Dr. Carter…" Dr. Banfield didn't get a chance to finish her sentence.

"Will that be a problem within the department?" Dr. Anspaugh was being direct as usual.

"I don't believe so" Dr. Banfield replied in her smooth and controlled voice.

"Very good" Dr. Anspaugh said and pivoted to exit the room. "Carry on."

Dr. Banfield walked back down to the ER. A med student was conferring with Carter in the hall outside exam 2. "Dr. Carter, when you have a moment" she said as she passed by.

Conference over, Carter found Dr. Banfield and asked "what's up?"

"The board met this morning" she began "and Jing Mei's proposal was approved. Everyone was very impressed with the success of the program she set up at Tianjin Number One. We'd also like to have her on staff here to oversee the program."

Carter's face lit up "that's great Kate! Is it ok if I…" He was interrupted by the paramedics who burst thru the door with an MVC patient and started calling out the vitals.

"Tell her she'll receive the formal offer letter and acceptance package in a few days" Dr. Banfield said as she grabbed the gurney coming in and rushed it into trauma 1. She was followed quickly by Dr. Gates and his med student.

Carter poked his head in "need help?"

"No thanks Carter, we got it" Dr. Banfield replied.

Carter went to the admit desk to procure one of the phones. He dialed. "Deb! You did it! You've got the board's approval…yeah…no, I'm serious… uh huh, you'll get the official letter in a week." It was obvious there was just as much ado on the other end of the line.

Sam walked up to the admit desk to deposit her charts. Seeing his jovial manner, she had to ask, "what's up with Carter?"

"My guess" Frank responded in his typical demeanor "were gonna be hosting Geisha Girl Medical School."

Sam rolled her eyes at the comment, grabbed a new chart from the nurse's rack and left saying "tell Jing Mei congratulations Carter, happy for you both!"

Malik called out from the ambulance bay doors "Dr. Carter, incoming!"

"Gotta go. When I get there next month, we'll celebrate. And Deb…" he paused as his mood shifted "…I…I'll tell you when I get there. Okay, Bye". Carter hung up the phone, rounded the desk and headed for the doors, adjusting his stethoscope along the way. "Okay Malik, whatcha got?"


	16. Tiger, Tiger

**Added more detail, some of it sexual, which ups the rating on this chapter to a T. It's tasteful, but if you're not into it, and don't want to read it, I can tell you, when you think it's coming, it is. Stop reading and skip down to the last few paragraphs, which also have new detail but which is suitable for all ages.**

Tiger, Tiger

Carter sat on the sofa in the living room as his daughters, Mei Li and Gracie, sat on the floor watching TV. He understood enough Chinese by now to get the basic gist of what was going on. Most everything was geared to the celebration of the new year which would start in just a few hours. "Happy, happy CNY, Happy, Happy CNY…. _Gong Xi Fa Cai" _it was a catchy little tune he'd already heard many times and actually began singing along a little, the girls cheerfully helping him out.

Jing Mei finished all the work she planned to do on her curriculum that evening and came in the room to join her family. Carter reached for her hand and when she grabbed it, he pulled her onto the sofa next to himself and put his arms around her. She leaned her head back onto his shoulder.

"Are you ready for tomorrow?" Deb asked.

"You mean being shown off to all your family and friends?"

She smiled as she settled in a bit more comfortably. "mmm" what a wonderful feeling to have someone to show off. "Most will be very accepting I think, but there'll be a few..."

"I can handle it."

"You're going to get targeted for English practice."

"I can handle that too."

"There'll be some kids, maybe even an adult or two, that will want to touch your skin."

Carter let out a small laugh and held her a little tighter. "I can handle it."

She ran down the schedule for him, whose home they were going to, who'd be there, what to expect. The girls, totally excited about the holiday, joined in the conversation, adding their own stories to emphasize why this was the best holiday ever.

Soon it was time for baths and bed. Tomorrow would be a long and exciting day and the girls would need their rest. As she was getting ready to go to bed herself, there was a knock at the bathroom door. "Deb, I left my meds in there, let me know when you're out".

She shook out her toothbrush and placed it in the glass with the others, smiling at the fact that there were now four of them. She opened the medicine cabinet and saw the bottles. Standing there for a moment, Jing Mei considered the possibilities that existed. Of course her mind gravitated to the more dire outcomes. His meds, she thought. They were sustaining his life and the thought crossed her mind, what if she lost him? He had become her constant, her touchstone. She couldn't bear the thought. She told herself "get it together Jing Mei. Don't dwell, don't dwell". She read the labels to dispense them properly and headed down the hall to the living room.

"Got some water?" Her voice was quiet and almost quivering as the "don't dwell" technique was not working so well.

"mm hmm, right here" he noted her concern as he made a motion in the general direction of his glass of water.

Biting her lip, she placed the pills into his hand. He took them with the water that sat on the table next to the sofa. He carefully studied the apprehensive look on her face. "What's wrong Deb?"

Exhaling, she searched the hardwood floor for the words that would express her feelings. It was a few breaths more before she could articulate it. She looked up into those soulful eyes of his. "In the last 10 months you've become much more to me than just the wonderful friend who gave me a way to have a family on my own. You're not just the biological father of my children, you're the whole package."

Carter smiled. He loved being a father to Mei Li and Gracie.

Deb continued "and I, I depend on you to get through my ups and my downs. I don't want to think about what my life would be without you. I want to see you walk Mei Li and Gracie down the isle on their wedding days. I want to welcome grandchildren into the world with you. I want to grow old with you." She took a deep breath to try and hold back her tears, but to no avail. Voice quivering and meek, she made her request "don't ever leave me."

He took her tenderly in his arms, gently rocking her, quietly comforting her. "My screens have all come back normal. I'm doing well on my meds." Now it was his turn to take that deep breath that would allow him to lift that last barrier and let his truth be known. He gently stroked at the hair that fell over her eyes, pushing it back into its place. He pressed his forehead against hers. "I am happier than I have ever been in my life and that goes a long way toward a positive health outcome. I plan to be here Deb. I want that life too. I love you."

He sealed his promise with a tender, passionate kiss. It stirred in her a powerful arousal of her senses. Every nerve ending in her body was at full attention. Her breasts ached to be bared and pressed against his chest. Her hands screamed to feel his every muscle. Her lips cried out to caress places she couldn't currently access. Between her legs, she yearned to receive him. Held tight in his embrace, she could feel he was experiencing an arousal of his own. Softly, sensually, she suggested, "Don't spend the night out here."

A small but endearing smile registered on his face. He looked deep into her eyes, tenderly brushing her face with his fingers, passing over her lips which she lightly caressed as they passed by. He took her hand and they walked down the hall and into her bedroom.

He looked over at the bed designed for a capacity of one. Deb, embarrassed and looking away, explained it was all she needed; she never expected to have company. It was part of that don't dwell thing. She didn't have to wake up each morning and deal with a cold and empty side of the bed. Carter reached out with his right hand and lifted her chin so that they were looking eye to eye. Softly he told her there's plenty of room. He pulled her in even closer and pressed his lips to hers, soft, sweet, sensual. She reached under his T-shirt and ran her hands up his sides and down his back. Grabbing the hem of his shirt, she pulled it up and over his head. He responded by untying the sash that kept her robe closed and slowly peeling it off her body as he continued to kiss her.

He kissed her neck and then moved down to her shoulder, gently sliding the strap of her nightshirt, letting it fall loose on her arm. He moved to the other side, again kissing her neck before moving down, slowly sliding the other strap off her shoulder. Her nightshirt easily fell to the floor. Her breathing deep and heavy and loud, matched his. She wrapped her arms around his neck and leaned her head back. He kissed her neck passionately as he maneuvered her onto the bed.

Remaining clothes were shed and tossed to the floor leaving two naked bodies entangled in the night. There was great pleasure exploring each other with hands and mouths and tongues. He rolled on top of her. Both let out a loud moan as he pressed himself inside her. The fit was tight; the feeling surreal. Again he pressed, again they moaned, and again, and again, and again…

The sex was lusty. It was obvious neither of them had this kind of physical release in a long time, but it was also something else, something much more than just a physical act. It was about giving and caring and sharing on the most intimate level. There was no shame, no regret, no feeling that something was missing. It was very complete, whole, emotionally, spiritually and physically whole. She'd always thought "sex" and "making love" were mutually exchangeable terms. Now she knew they were entirely different activities.

In the new morning light, she opened her eyes but did not stir, content to enjoy the new sensation. He lay beside her, his skin next to her skin, his arm draped over her waist, his hand on her thigh, she could feel his warm breath on her neck. She wondered how the girls managed to sleep through it. He was every bit as loud as she was. The neighbors must have heard; probably a few across the street too. No matter. She felt whole and complete for the first time in her life.

Still somewhat lying on the bed, she reached for her nightshirt that was on the floor. The gentle jostling of the bed woke John, prompting him to ask "What are you doing?"

"Here" she said as she sat up to put her nightshirt back on "put on your clothes, you'll need them."

He put his arm around her and suggestively asked "what if I want to stay naked?"

Lightheartedly, Jing Mei replied "You'll feel very self-conscious in a minute. The girls will be up soon. They'll be in here bouncing on the bed. It's New Years." She leaned over and kissed him on the lips.

It turned out to be timely advice, as Carter no sooner had his T-Shirt and jam pants back on when the girls burst through the door exuberantly looking forward to the day. They jumped into bed, excitedly telling Carter and Deb to get ready. They wanted to get going.

Carter and Deb looked at each other and smiled. The girls were not phased in the least that they were in bed together. They were completely comfortable jumping into bed with him there. It felt natural and right. They were a real family.

The day was February 14th, Chinese New Year, Valentine's Day. Two lonely hearts had come together and the happiness that had eluded each sprung forth. It was a new year, a new life. Soon, Deb and the girls would join John in Chicago, where they would live together as the family each one of them hoped for so long to have.


End file.
